The Last Love…

I choose to love you in silence, because in silence, I find no rejection, and in silence, no one owns you but me.

You think you’ll be rude, and all my feelings would go away. You do not know exactly how much and to what extent I’ve loved you, but I know!

I have realized that I haven’t been attracted to another man or another man’s companionship. I haven’t craved another touch, another voice, or another man’s embrace. Even after so many of your heroic attempts to push me away, I didn’t look for another happy place… Because I know that the only person who can bring me a natural smile is you!

And I also know that there won’t be another man in my life after you. I love you with every bit of emotions that I had left. I have loved you with the whole of my existence, and I cannot stop myself from loving you… You are my last love… You’re the last I’ll ever love!

I’ll carve my skin with something symbolic… A tattoo of something that represents your spirit. I know you have to go somewhere else… And I also know that I will have a really hard time trying to cope without you.

So, when I’ll miss you, I’ll touch and feel the tattoo and remember you as you are… Free and ecstatic… It will make me feel as if you’re still here close to me and watching over me… And I’ll smile remembering the hundreds of times when you put me and my well-being before yourself… And I’ll look at our old conversation where we fought everyday… And cherish our photos silently… I’ll be silently complete…

~Gullu’s Diary 💕

This is what Depression tastes like…

Sometimes I wish I were dead already…

Personally I’m a happy person. I wake up, apply on multiple job posts via different websites, I eat regular meals, I give more than enough time to my family and my pet cats and I also have a very understanding boyfriend who has enormously supported me from the day we met. I have my dream cloud kitchen as well and it’s only starting to spread wings and maybe in a year, I’ll achieve more recognitions. I know!! It’s all so strawberry and minty!! But I still wish I were dead!

I’ll explain why I’m being so toxic; Am I being ungrateful? Or am I being just a woman with hormonal ups and downs waiting to be bashed by a higher power?? Being so positive all the time do has its perks; Being a supportive and a happy go lucky person, I do have few things that bother me everyday. And I don’t know what to do… It’s all so difficult to put in words.. I write down my complications here whenever I am at a loss of words in person. I write here when I know I can’t explain and blogging somehow seems to be soothing and helps me to write my feelings down even when my lips can’t. I have tried saying these openly but I always end up bursting in tears. It’s hard to speak your mind!!

Let’s start with academics. Finished post graduation and struggling like a loser every single day for a decent salaried job. I have been told that I would achieve nothing but SHIT(things like this coming from family really hurts)! Some has encouraged me frequently and I have to keep trying. Sitting idle never helps. So I apply for jobs everyday… I’ve been unemployed for more than a year now and maybe I’ve already applied in 100+ organizations, attended 2 job fairs and dropped CVs wherever the job description matched my profile. NOBODY CARED TO RESPOND!!! NONE! Sometimes the salary is 15000 bucks for a Post Graduate!! Haa haa!! If I’d want to earn just 15k, I wouldn’t have completed my Masters!! I was earning 30k+ while doing my BBA!! But now it seems like I have nothing to do but apply into those petty salary jobs because honestly pandemic has left all of us in a vegetative state! All our savings are gone in the wind! Hence even 15k matters to me a lot now!!

I never imposed on the fact that money would be that much important. I mean I was doing fine with a minimum salary, I was happy, so were my parents. But after what we all faced in 2020, money feels like a HUGE FACTOR! No matter how hard I try, I can’t make my ends meet. Hell I’m not poor. I’m not rich… I’m just stuck in the middle…just barely trying to stay alive and awake amidst all the problems. And staying at middle sucks! Middle class life sucks!! Middle age sucks!! Mediocre lifestyle sucks! Because every time a person with middle class background like mine tries to dream big, something or someone or any middle class struggle would pull me down…leaving me yet another day filled with a troubled mindset. Only questions that come up at that moment of failure—- Is money everything? Is it the source of all happiness? Will I ever be able to achieve what I have dreamed so far? Or will the money factor always come in between my happiness and my life? What if I really die before achieving anything? God put me in a middle class family, it wasn’t my choice!! And it seems that God is testing me too much! Or is HE enjoying it???

I learned baking because I love desserts. I wanted to run a coffee shop which has been my dream! So I learned from youtube, bakery artists and few websites of global chefs that I idolize. Opened up a cloud kitchen, enlisted myself as a partner vendor for an international foodchain source, gathered few help here and there and started the journey of baking. It’s been 3 months now. How’s it going? Not upto the mark! Again… A mediocre status!!!!!! To make money, you need money!! And you don’t have a good amount of money, so you can’t make enough money!! What a vicious circle I’ve landed into!! Not giving up though…

I’m a patient of hypothyroidism. Been bullied for being chubby and overweight since forever!!! The level of harassment was at a point that I really wanted to end my life. The major reason why I never had a boyfriend during my school days is because I was FAT! & later whoever I dated always ended up cheating! I was fatshamed by my own people… By family, by the closest of the people whom I once called friends!! It was not a fun experience believe me!! You have no idea how it feels to see yourself that way. It’s not like I didn’t try but after 20 years of trying to eat less, I had nothing but eating disorder, low BP and a personality with no confidence!! It took me a pretty long time to gain that confidence back! And now I kind of accepted my body the way it is. But when I don’t fit in to dresses when giving trial at a clothing store, it really does bother me! It’s a terrifying feeling! This is the only demon that I fight literally everyday but fail to get rid of…

I was physically harassed by a relative when I was 5. I barely remember what happened. But I knew it wasn’t right. I couldn’t protest. Nobody paid heed to my words. Now when I speak of it, my mom blames me for speaking up so late after all these years! She didn’t even bother to cut ties with that monster! This has created a rift in relationship with my mom. It bothers me too.

My dad is retired. He sits in front of the TV all day and night. That’s all! Now the question might come to you, “how do I survive? Who runs the house then?” Well, I have no answer. My mom’s savings and my bakery are what’s putting the family together right now. It’s not enough, but it’s all we got now! There’s suffering in every breathe that I take. There’s struggle in every wrinkle that I make while frowning. I have forgotten what a family picnic feels like, what a family outing felt like. I haven’t had the chance to go on any trip like my friends do. The savings that I had, all either spent on toxic relationship that I had earlier or gone because dad needed them. Now, I have nothing!

With all these problems, piling up like a mountain with no holes that can torch a ray of hope towards my face, I am confused, scared, hopeless BUT resilient. I know I cannot give up now! I know the only thing that’s keeping me sane right now is my strength of character and resilience. The moment I lose either of these two is the moment I’ll lose entirely. So I stay calm. Patient. Positive. However, with everything that’s going on with me, sometimes I just lose it. I feel like I’m a huge burden. I feel restless and palpitated. A point comes when I give up for few minutes, hours, days sometimes… And my aggression that I’ve buried for years, it resurfaces and I end up hurting people I love… You see this is an issue!! My struggles get the better of me and thus my Behavior turns aggressive and that affects the people whom I care about the most!!! They’re not entitled to see me outburst, are they?? But they’re becoming the victims!!

I’m mad at the fate that I’ve been born with, I’m not at all happy about the situation I’m going through!!! The only people who really cares are getting hurt because I am hurting them with my words. I can’t say how I feel, I can’t get rid of my God forsaken lot!! And this is suffocating me!! I can’t breathe!! I can’t express… And I end up crying myself to sleep! Even sleep betrays me and I pass nights with insomnia. And when I actually try to sleep, there’s always something or someone that forces me to wake up…leaving me sleepless and cranky…. I guess this is what anxiety feels like… Now I know why those support group people say that they are happy but still a patient of clinical depression.. medicines are useless because the disease is incurable!!

So that’s all… My problems are more difficult than Rocket Science, more complicated than a Rubik’s cube and even more suffocating than a submarine without oxygen! I can’t solve them! I can’t talk about them! I can’t share or express! God has kept way too much pressure on my shoulders and I wish I were dead already!!

2021, Is that you?

2020 was supposed to be full of possibilities. It was supposed to be bright, resourceful, positive and a decent beginning of my career…. But it wasn’t!!! Instead, it was a perfect disaster!

Not just in terms of the big bad virus, disaster prevailed in student life, career, business, relationships and social status. We’ve often seen movies where aliens invade Earth, wars are fought, someone wins, someone loses; few movies show deadly biowarfare where an entire city goes on lockdown, vaccine comes eventually and everyone, well, whoever’s alive gets a second chance at life.

Unfortunately reality isn’t the same! 2020 gave me a mixture of all the evils at the same time. People died in millions, there was a global lockdown for most of this year but people got out anyway and more got infected as a result of the ignorance. I was hopeful about the cure….or at least a vaccine! Nothing seemed to work this year… A lot of close people that I knew either lost their loved ones or lost their own lives. Even after plasma transplant and covid vaccines, some died of organ damage caused by the virus. I lost count of how many deaths I’ve heard of this year. It was too heart breaking to see Facebook statuses consistently popping up every other day with death news and infected patient’s updates, none going anywhere towards the good.

Spent an entire year as unemployed because none would hire people during the pandemic in the first half of the year…the other half of the year, I was exhausted hearing people say that I’m over qualified for entry level because of my degrees and under qualified for mid-level because I lack corporate experience!!! Joke of 2020!!

I really needed a job but hardly found one. I didn’t give up…months after months went by and I was nothing but a failure. Almost gave up at a point. The lockdown added frustration and family drama to my life; the stay at home jobless fatso hardly had any hopes left. Mom suggested that I should learn few other skills. So I enrolled for coursera and started learning. Meanwhile, I self learned basic baking. Then took few baking courses from my aunt. Mom suggested that I practise more and try until my baked goods reach perfection.

It was October when I started a very small venture… a long lost dream that I thought would never be possible! I opened up my own online business.. my undying effort, my mom’s investment and my boyfriend’s encouragement has brought some hope into my life after 9 months of darkness.

I still pray that nobody has to go through the pain of losing people the way we all did in 2020. Some lost their parents, some lost their spouses, others lost kins and friends and colleagues. I lost two of my grandparents and it wasn’t a pleasant Sunday evening I must say! It scares me even now since CORONA isn’t over and people are still getting infected, no guarantee that the vaccine would work or not!! The lives of my loved ones are still at stake! And I have no idea how to save them other than forcing them to stay at home. The thought of losing close people gives me strange anxiety and frequent panic attacks….makes me sick out of fear! Phobia!! I wish God were kind enough to remove this disease just like getting past 2020 on a calendar. I wish Covid-19 had stayed back in time!

Amidst all the chaos and losing people, I silently mourned the deaths of few popular celebs. I pray that they find peace. I pray that they reach a place where no chaos can find them.

2020 has taken away so much that even the new year feels bland and unseasoned. The toxicity of 2020 has spread so fast into people’s lives that I dread happiness…like whatever piece of happiness I have or holding tightly right now would be taken away from my clutches and I would end up alone and in dismay once again… It scares me to death! I don’t want to lose anyone!! Not now, not ever! Not this way at least! But hey! You never know this could be the best year right? There’s always a chance of the glass being half full!

2021,
We’re not ready for more chaos! We’re badly injured by 2020 and in the process of self healing. Please bring more positive energy. Please bring more goodness. Please bring rays of HOPE for all! Please bring the cure to this madness. Please bless us with great possibilities and good health. Please be kind to us!!

Happy(HOPEFULLY) New Year 2021.

daily lessons of my life…

1. Daily lesson 1: at the end of the day, your parents are never satisfied with you…your grades,dress,food habits,accent,lifestyle,means to solve problems…
2. Daily lesson 2: when life gives you a piece of happiness,don’t be so overwhelmed or don’t get too attached to that happiness.it won’t even take a snap for God to snatch every bit of it.just consider your happiness as an incentive in return of your good deeds.
3. Daily lesson 3: if you want to live your present love life,you really need to let go of all the previous affections that you had for your ex..it’s the hardest task in an affectionate person’s life,but it’s the only medicine that would help you to move ahead & pave your way to the future…
4. Daily lesson 4: do not reveal your weakness to whoever you make eye contact with..you don’t know if they are gonna be faithful tomorrow..u don’t need to be judgemental;just look for small signs from God..In Sha Allah He would clear your doubts with the perfect answers
5. Daily lesson 5: do not underestimate yourself. you have a history, you have scars that wouldn’t heal, you have haters who hate you to the core, you have never ending mood swings, you have endless unexplainable problems…yet you are a wonderful person because God has created you & only He holds the right to underestimate you.. be grateful to Him & live your life to the fullest…
6. Daily lesson 6: every mistake is itself a lesson. you are not perfect,you have a lot of faults & you make mistakes too. But you don’t need to be frustrated; rather learn from your mistakes,make sure you don’t repeat those mistakes anymore. That’s how you can rectify yourself & attain purity of soul.
7. Daily lesson 7: Words of mouth are just like toothpaste in a tube; you have to be careful while using them. if you press the tube more than needed, there will be wastage of toothpaste & you can’t even put it back inside the tube;likewise,once you say something,you can’t scroll & skip or undo your words. your harsh words might not end up well with the people around you.so before you say something really fabricated or harsh …. THINK!!! OBSERVE!! then DECIDE!!
8. Daily lesson 8: After whatever mess you had created in the past, if you realize that life has given you a second chance, consider it as a ‪#‎Boon. Do not misuse it AGAIN!!! Utilize your life so that you can have a meaningful future. Make it so much awesome that you wouldn’t have to regret this second opportunity!!!
9. Daily lesson 9: Never ever lose those friends who gave you a shoulder to cry when you had nowhere to go. Because they are the friends that you can keep,that you can count on every moment…love them & support them whenever they need it, since they did the same for you once upon a very bad time of your life…
10. Daily Lesson 10: If someone insults you today, don’t plan for a revenge. don’t pick up a fight with them because that will take you to a lower level than those haters. Just be silent and God will reward you for being patient and for not losing temper. As for those lowlives, KARMA will hit them on their face for you. Fighting or quarreling wouldn’t solve your problems; nor will your haters start praising or liking you after you fight with them. It is rather a matter of self respect and not being around such people will emphasize that you respect yourself enough and you are not a lowlife like them.
11. Daily Lesson 11: If you have a family & a bunch of crazy friends,be grateful to your Creator. Because everyone is not as lucky as you are…there’s a friend just beside you who might be an orphan,you may also hear from your friends that they have relatives who are fighting cancer or other dreadful diseases..so why be disappointed over trifling matters of life when you are blessed with nearly every piece of happiness?? Try to value your share of happiness because others might be craving for that share…love your family,love your friends
12. Daily Lesson 12: If someone respects you truly and makes you feel special, you better do the same for that person. Because everyone whom you meet won’t treat you in a special way..everyone doesn’t love you..but those who do love you, they also deserve to be loved
13. Daily Lesson 13: you will get thousands of critics around you; some are real & they will professionally give you a conclusion about the given topic; I would suggest you to listen to these people. But there will be another group of so called critics who will criticize you every now & then, no matter how hard you try to get a better place in your life. the latter are the people you need to stay away from….don’t listen to them, don’t bother to their rubbish feedback about every thing that they find…don’t make them part of your life. Just listen to your reliable sources…in that way, you would refrain yourself from making any mistake..
14. Daily Lesson 14: life is very short..so don’t waste it by showing anger in every aspect. Rather enjoy your life; don’t start your day on a serious note. embrace every sunrise with a BIG smile Try to find happiness in the simplest of the things. Live life to the fullest. Love thyself.Love your Creator.
15. Daily Lesson 15: if you have problems,it is obvious that you will have their solutions…it is totally pointless to remain frustrated over the problems that can be solved. Always remember that, when our Creator closes one door to solution,He opens several others for us. We just have to choose the correct door & open it to find out the solutions…
16. Daily Lesson 16: Bullying is not a good thing to do…people are never perfect n you too belong to those imperfect groups. Don’t forget that there is a term called KARMA. You commit bullying today,you might be the victim tomorrow..instead,you can get involved in virtuous activities,like saving those people from being bullied…it’s not that hard; just a virtuous deed worth trying…
17. Daily Lesson 17: No matter what the situation is,be honest to yourself. You are the only cure for your own pain; & only you alone can let go of it for good. So just let it go when you figure out that you have pain inside you…n everything will be alright…fight your emotions with your strongest weapon called “will power”; you will definitely win
18. Daily Lesson 18: wen girls are stressed,they need someone to talk,to share their problems,to have company. But wen guys are stressed,they kind of prefer being alone,solitary,away from all chaos.they want peace of mind and generally don’t like talking about their stressful stuffs..so wen your friends say, “I am stressed”,well now you know how to deal with their condition.but don’t try these on opposite genders,if you want to stay out of trouble…
19. Daily Lesson 19: you don’t need verbal certificates to prove how precious,pretty and intelligent you are..just count on those people who valued your emotions since the beginning..eventually everything will be alright & everyone who defied you will start admiring you at a certain point
20. Daily Lesson 20: a person might be pessimistic; instead of judging them,try keeping one thing in mind that pessimism don’t grow up in a day. Days of mental torture forces a person to lose all hopes & become hopeless.so quit mocking,think twice & support them.your support might bring back their optimism.
21. Daily Lesson 21: some people will always annoy you with their awkward behavior in the public, they don’t even realize that nobody’s appreciating their irritating approach…& the best way to deal with such people is either you totally avoid them,or you say it on their face to stop being soo insolent.
22. Daily Lesson 22: respect your elders..their prayers will bring a bunch of good lucks in your life..you will be nourished with their good wishes..all you need to do is love them,respect them & never hurt them…after all,goodwill of our elders are blessings for us..
23. Daily Lesson 23: if you have started a work, finish it first before you get yourself involved into another activity. Keeping pending jobs is a sign of a lazy person. Don’t be lazy; be patient and complete your task..that is what an efficient person prefers…
24. Daily Lesson 24: during childhood,we asked thousands of questions to our parents,n they answered without being impatient.n now,when we are in our youth n they are old, they ask us several questions. Instead of answering them,we get angry & impatient which is wrong..the lesson is, it’s our duty to guide them at their old age n answer their questions…just the way they did when we were kids…
25. Daily Lesson 25: at the end of the day,it’s ultimately your choice for who you want to be..either you become a cupid or a monster…I suggest…be a harmless monster…rather than an arrow punching cupid…Because being a monster adds fun to your life…cupids have nothing to do other than throwing arrows aimlessly…
26. Daily Lesson 26: Before you choose friends,be careful of their ulterior motives. Don’t make yourself a low hanging fruit to everyone. Because once people with evil thoughts come to know your deepest weakness,they will be using it for their own purposes. DO NOT GIVE THEM THAT CHANCE!
27. Daily Lesson 27: Do not lose faith from your Creator…not even for the worst event of your life. It’s true that He writes our fate, but then again, it is also true that you are responsible for your own actions. Do not blame God for the result of your wrong deeds. Just pray and believe in Him. He will definitely fix your problems sooner or later.
28. Daily Lesson 28: when life embraces you with several chances, get hold of the best opportunities only. Don’t be greedy and try to grab all of them as it has been said that you will always have an opportunity cost to everything that you do. So just pick up the best ones, leave the rest….that’s the sign of a wise person..
29. Daily Lesson 29: Eat food to your heart’s content. Don’t bother about gaining weight. Consider food as a Grace from the Creator. Don’t spoil your food because someone just beside you might be starving. & if possible,at least for a day,share some of your food with the needy.
30. Daily Lesson 30: be Simple…in life,among friends, among relatives, at the work place,at home….everywhere….just be simple…be real…Do not fabricate yourself. (provided the fact that being simple doesn’t mean you have to spill out all your secrets to random people
31. Daily Lesson 31: Don’t forget your duties as a daughter/son while enjoying your worldly life. take care of your parents. They need you though they don’t express it to you all the time.. we were kids once remember?? & we couldn’t express ourselves but they understood…so it’s our turn to understand them
32. Daily Lesson 32: sometimes it’s better to cry & let go of the pain.if you don’t want to share your pain,but you wish to let it go,cry bitterly,loudly & real hard…release the pain..your heart will be at ease after that.
33. Daily Lesson 33: Be crazy enough to make your friends go crazy with you. trust me on this!! every person loves people with weirdness. be more sarcastic so that your friends always smile whenever around you; make your friendship worth enjoying by the sparks of your words…
34. Daily Lesson 34: If any of your friend is mad at you, if they suddenly start avoiding you & you don’t know the reason for their behavior, don’t just walk away. Instead, talk to them, confront them…at least you will know the reason why they are upset,why they hate you…
35. Daily Lesson 35: if your friend is keeping secrets from you,don’t be mad or upset..don’t try to dig n know their reasons behind hiding things from you. sometimes it’s better not to know certain stuffs. Respect your friend’s decision instead of being hurt..maybe you won’t be able to handle the truth,n your friend is well aware of this..
36. Daily Lesson 36: if people consider you are lying, just screw what people are saying..your Creator knows that you are telling the truth..that’s what matters; besides,liars assume others to be liars..don’t worry,you’ll be awarded for your truthfulness
37. Daily Lesson 37: Depression is the killer of your inner peace. Don’t let your depression overpower you. Fight it n kill it..talk to that friend who believes in you & motivated you when you lost faith on your abilities..I’m sure friends who love you will definitely help you overcome depression
38. Daily Lesson 38: only you know what can make you happy; your friends are just the sources/postman that will help you reach your point of happiness. You are the producer of your own happy story. you are the reason of your own smile. so if you want to be happy, just say it!! say what makes you happy, what makes you smile..if you have great friends, they will put all their ends together to bring you the happiness that you desire…& if you don’t have buddies, just do it yourself!! being independent is also a happiness
39. Daily Lesson 39: fear is a strange concept that consumes you from inside..& if you really want to live,overcome your fear as soon as possible…because your fear is your ultimate weakness…win your fear,win your weakness
40. Daily Lesson 40: the best way to enjoy a festival is to celebrate it with people you love…& it’s better if you plan your meetings with everyone so that you don’t miss any part of the program
41. Daily Lesson 41: be sporting and show some hospitality when you see needy people around you..don’t be mean or don’t look down upon them..remember God is watching & it wouldn’t take long to turn the table against your luck.
42. Daily Lesson 42: don’t regret after doing something…every work will always have a better option..hence itz pointless grumbling over your pre-working decisions…plan ahead and avoid all regrets…
43. Daily Lesson 43: when your certain friend is going through hard times, being a good friend, it is your duty to accompany them. Make them busy, support them by talking to them; it’s kind of therapy. they won’t ask for it, because they have already given up all hopes.. so you need to figure out what to do to make them happy…in all good ways…
44. Daily Lesson 44: sleep well..it eases your brain..washes painful incidents to some extent…puts your body on a standby n rest mode…besides, sleeping 8 hours is healthy (my doc told me )
45. Daily Lesson 45: scientifically, people forget an information after 6 weeks(42 days). so it’s very natural to forget things. you can’t just blame anyone for their forgetfulness. it’s not a fault, it’s a trait. but some basic stuffs are to be remembered like remembering daily work,daily routine,routes,exams,taking medicines,important meetings or work that is to be done next day, etc. if you fail to remember these, try noting them down in a “things-to-do” note. set up alarms for your medicines/works/meetings. keep a map on your phone for your routes. since forgetfulness is a trait, you better know how to control it, rather than letting it control you.
46. Daily Lesson 46: love doesn’t come to you every single day..nor do your loved ones live forever…so when you hurt the people who love you selflessly, think what n how your world would be without them..don’t make your memories a bitter one. Love them just the way they love you
47. Daily Lesson 47: by the time you read this,I’m sure you have met countless jerks throughout your life.they pretend to be your friends,but they are just an empty bucket for you..pretend to help you but never give efforts,pretending to pull you out of your miseries but actually they love to mock n see you suffer…well you can simply turn all those bucket friends into trash holders…cz THEY FUDGING DESERVE IT!!!
48. Daily Lesson 48:you are looking for a helping hand of your parents or other trustworthy figure while trying to do a work…n if you don’t get your helpful person by your side, take it as a sign that God really wants you to do it by yourself. It could be your studies,first travel,first job,first moving alone,figuring out a new road,anything..Just finish your work n um sure u will feel great about it..
49. Daily Lesson 49: spend time with people whose company gives you happiness..parents,siblings,friends,better halves…could be anyone..Because this happiness cannot be found..they can only be cherished..
50. Daily Lesson 50: don’t let random people cross your personal boundaries..Because everyone is not worth it..Because once you let people come into your life,n if by any chance, they play with your emotions,you would have nothing left other than an injured heart & you will be blaming your decisions all your life…
51. Daily Lesson 51: people who judge others by their fair skin & hot body are nothing but attached to this illusive world. sooner or later, these people will end up getting what they hate the most; & if these people judge you for not having fair skin, don’t be depressed because God has punishments stored for them. be happy for whatever God has blessed you with…fair skin,slim figure,pretty eyes,beautiful legs, everything will go down to earth after you die; this beauty is not permanent. but the inner beauty is..n that’s what God loves the most!!!
52. Daily Lesson 52: prayer helps you get closer to GOD. You will kind of get a clear connection with your Creator if you pray..so just spare some time to sit down and pray.
53. Daily Lesson 53: if working under pressure makes your work a masterpiece, you better work under pressure.
54. Daily Lesson 54: never involve a third person in your love life because the third person will always give you the worst ideas like a true “home wrecker”…in love there is only “US”….there is no “you”, “me” or “him/her”….the moment you add “you/me/him/her” to your love life, it’s doomed…however, best friend can just give you advice, but ultimately it is your decision..
55. Daily Lesson 55: protesting against the evil minds is maybe the toughest thing to do.the whole mankind have been doing this since the birth of the earth. just the situations & reasons are different today.but the motive is always to beat the evil. if you know that your protest will shake the feet of the evil minds, then go for it. you will win, because God will never support the evil, God will support you if you are the righteous one.
56. Daily Lesson 56: if a person has the ability to make you laugh to your heart’s content, you ought to keep that person in your life forever…
57. Daily Lesson 57: at a point of your life, you will find bags full of haters;they will try to pull you down,they will stop you from flying high,they will make your life harder. be thankful to their hatred…your struggle will pay off & one day, they will definitely say,”damn she’s successful in her life!!!”
58. Daily Lesson 58: Adaption is very important for a person in terms of maintaining peaceful environment among his people. Unless the situation plays table tennis with your self respect or your personal life, it is better to adapt to the situation..

“The Haunted Lady”

I don’t know if I should call this a story… because my heart pounces in fear as I write this…

This is a story of a woman who lived with her husband and her two sons in a small hut near Jaydevpur. The woman’s name was Samina and her husband’s name was Zahir. Her elder son’s name was Samy and he was 5 years old. Her younger son was only a year and his name was Jamy. Samina had a happy family. Her husband worked at the confectionery near the Jaydevpur train station.

Every day, Samina cooked breakfast for her family. Her husband and her elder son loved whatever she cooked for them. All of Samina’s neighbors were happy with her. Samina would make delicious homemade cakes every weekend and she used to send some to her neighbors’ houses. Every other person in the area loved her and her cakes. She was a great cook indeed.

Life was going very smoothly until… let’s talk about the disaster that shook this whole family forever!!!

Like a daily routine, Samina woke up and started making breakfast for her family. She was making egg omlettes with homemade breads for Zahir and Samy. She couldn’t find her husband at home. She thought maybe he had gone to take shower. So she didn’t bother much at first. Zahir returned after an hour, tired and sick. Samina found that Zahir was suffering from fever. His temperature was increasing and his body was warm like fire. Quickly, Samina covered Zahir with warm blankets.

Samina was pouring water on Zahir’s head and sponging his body but the temperature didn’t go down. She called in a local doctor for prescription. The doctor prescribed some medicines and told her to bring those and give him immediately. But Samina couldn’t go out leaving her husband and children unattended; however, one of her neighbors was kind enough to go and buy the medicines for her.

It was night and by that time, Zahir’s fever came under control. Since it was the rainy season, there was no routine for rainfall. In the morning, it’s sunny but in the evening, it rains like never before. It kept raining and hence it’s cold at night. Samina put some sweaters on Samy and Jamy. Then she put some extra blankets on Zahir and went to sleep.

In the morning, Zahir felt better but was really weak to go to the shop. So he stayed home and Samina took care of him. Samy and Jamy stayed at home too as the last night’s rain have clogged all the roads. During the evening, a strange thing happened. Samina went to the well near her house to get some water. She took her pitcher with her. While going back to her house after taking water, she met an old woman with yellow teeth and gray hair. The old woman was looking at her and giving weird glimpse; and she grinned like an evil soul. This old woman’s evil laughter scared Samina. But Samina didn’t show it. Being a kind hearted person, Samina asked the old woman politely if she needed any help. But the old woman kept grinning. Samina couldn’t figure out what was going on. She had a sick husband at home waiting for her and so she hurried on her own way to home.

Again night came. & it was raining very heavily. In fact it was a stormy night. The roof was shaking at the roar of the lightening every time. Zahir didn’t sleep well the previous night but it was strange that he slept peacefully tonight. So Samina didn’t call him for dinner. The children slept too. Samina shut all the doors and windows so that water doesn’t come inside the house. Then she went to her husband. She touched his hands and found that they were as cold as ice. She thought Zahir was sleeping but actually because of the high fever and weakness, he died in his sleep. Samina tried to call her neighbors but none came because of this storm. She kept crying and praying to God.

Right at that moment, there was a knock at the door. Samina thought maybe one her neighbors had come to help. She opened the door but there was no one…

She was closing the door but then a woman of her same age stopped her from closing the door. She said, “Please let me in. I have no shelter to spend the night in this stormy weather; please let me stay in your house for the night”. Samina couldn’t say anything. She just lost her husband, her heart was broken and she had no reason to refuse a helpless woman. So she let the woman come inside her house. But when the woman came inside the house, Samina noticed something really strange. It was raining so heavily outside, but that woman didn’t get wet. Not a single drop of water on her dress or on any part of her body. Samina was a bit confused but she didn’t care much about all this as she was only thinking about her husband who was lying on the bed…dead and cold. She gave some hot milk to the mysterious woman and slept in another room with her children. Zahir’s body was in the front room.

Suddenly Samina woke up at the strange noise that was coming from the front room. She got so scared that she didn’t dare to go in that room. But she gathered courage to look through the holes of the wall that partitioned the front room from the back room. And she saw……………

There was her beloved husband, lying on bed, with blood all over the body. The whole bed was oozing in his blood. And she could see the woman whom she gave shelter for the night. It was not the woman anymore. It was something else, more horrible than any wild animal. It was a strange creature that was eating Samina’s husband…it was drinking Zahir’s blood, playing with his bones by breaking them and then it ate Zahir’s heart like a muffin. Samina lost her voice to speak….she was numb… She couldn’t scream or run as that creature might come to the next room and eat her children too. She knew that she couldn’t save Zahir but she would do every possible thing to save her sons.

There was a back door of the house. Slowly Samina managed to call Samy. Samy was surprised to see her mother shaking in fear and wanted to ask something but Samina stopped her from saying anything. She just pointed the back door to Samy and told him that they have to run away as fast as possible. Taking Jamy in her hand and holding Samy by another hand, Samina tiptoed towards the back door. She could still hear the scary noises of that creature while coming out of the house. It was tough for her to leave Zahir in that condition but she had to save her sons from this hungry ferocious creature. She ran with her sons as fast as she could. It was still raining but she didn’t have much option other than saving her family’s life. She crossed a large field and managed to get to the station where people were waiting for the next train. she managed to find the owner of the confectionery where Zahir worked and told him about whatever she saw. The owner sent some men to Samina’s house in the morning but Zahir’s body wasn’t there. And there was no sign of that creature. The whole bed was wet with blood and Zahir’s bones were scattered here and there.

Samina left that area and moved to the city. After that she worked in a garments factory and her sons joined school. But never again she allowed an outsider to stay in her house. She never found out what that creature was…

[Based on a true incident]

*_*GULLU’S DIARY*_* >>>>MEETING SCHOOL FRIENDS

Monday, 25 May 2015

I love to talk about my childhood. Beyond that, I love talking about my childhood school and the friends that I had from there. My true abode of happiness….my school Green Gems International…anyone related to that school brings a big smile on my face even at my hardest times!! Specially when it’s my friends!! I just love each and every one of them. This is something that I cannot buy, that I cannot look for into any automated shopping sites or at any edge of this universe…this is a feeling that is thrust-ed upon me…a feeling without any conditions, without any demands, without any lust or greed for wealth…

Today I went to meet some of them. We’ve been planning since last week. Finally it happened today..Watched Furious 7 with Mariam, Karishma & Sarah. I have attended the reunions of our batch last year. But today’s one was a bit special because I have met Sarah after one full generation…I meant to say 12 whole years!!! Gosh that’s a long long time… She didn’t change much..same pretty face and silky hair ^_^ the shortest in the group but the cutest ever…

Life has changed a lot over the years…mine did….and so did theirs… one is married and has a daughter, one has just started her Masters classes, one is getting married next year and I am busy with my BBA degree…but one simple thing that remained unchanged is the bonding among us…the boundless love and the priceless togetherness of my childhood friends… No matter what happens, how long the time span gets when we meet, how old we become, how drastically our life change or how much busy we get…this bond with my friends from Green Gems will never wither…will never end…this affection will never dry out… Alhamdulillah!! I feel super blessed to have such friends who remember me and know the real me!!

P.S. I really missed the other people who missed this meeting specially Sakeeb & Yasir :3 I wish they were present today at the movie… ***sigh***

but it is totally okay since they are busy studying and working…We will hopefully meet them…after all, there’s always a next time!! 😀

THE 3RD RECRUITMENT & MEET UP OF NSUFC!!

It was Friday, 20 February 2015. We, the students of North South University had classes but we managed to organize our 3^rd meet up which happened to be the first NSUFC event of this year. But surprisingly, the response for the event was huge. More than 200 people registered and 81 people managed to attend it on time. Gosh I loved their eagerness and punctuality!!

The meet up started exactly at 2.30 pm at our campus. Everyone took their seats. As it was an open space, so everyone sat comfortably on the floor. The event was opened by a warm welcome to the newbies by our lovely ex-club lead, our awesome ReMo Tanha Islam. She boosted up the confidence of all the new FSAs with her boldness of public speaking skills.

 

Then Tanha introduced our present Club Lead, Tuhin Sahir to the attendees. Tuhin happily and confidently talked about Firefox Student Ambassador (FSA) and their duties.

After that, our Co-club lead who also happens to be a tech freak, Zarif Tajwar gave a short idea about what Mozilla is and what are the benefits of being an FSA. He also talked about the certificate of recognition.

When all this were going on, we managed to take snaps of the active participants. They all listened very attentively and asked questions whenever they had one.

attendees raising hands and asking questions

Raiyad Raad, our little localization maestro, took sessions on L10n and the very new browser to browser video calling service of Firefox ……or shall I say, Firefox Hello!!

Our dear technical club lead, CODE lover Rashik talked about Firefox Operating System. He also discussed the app developing process and Firefox marketplace. He shared the fact of how he created some beautiful & useful apps and how newbies could contribute to the FX marketplace. He also declared that NSUFC will conduct a workshop on Firefox OS apps develop within a month (In sha Allah),where participants will practically learn to make apps of Firefox OS .

We gave them a 5-10 minute break during which we showed them the Firefox OS based devices . This time, we managed to show them Peak and Flames. Most of them loved the interface and the quality performance of the devices. Then another WoMoz, Salman Nusrat started talking about our North South University Firefox Community (NSUFC) and how we started.

The discussion was followed by me where I added the fact that how the community had only 10-15 FSAs and how the number of attendees increased within a year. After that I talked about the much awaited Webmaker and Womoz. I saw how the eyes of the female attendees sparkled with joy when they heard that Mozilla has a unique field for the female FSAs. I encouraged them to participate in public speaking and they kind of felt comfortable when I spoke about Women & Mozilla (Womoz).

 

Meanwhile, Tanha talked about being a ReMo and shared her experiences about joining different Mozillian events and festivals across the globe. She also talked about MozSummit and MozFest.

After all the discussion rounds, the attendees were divided into two groups. & the Mozquiz started. The winners were given swags and were encouraged to answer more questions.

When the Mozquiz ended, we divided the attendees into 3 groups —- app dev, L10n & Webmaker. We asked them to join whichever they found interesting and they happily joined the group in which they found their interest as well as the comfort zone. One mentor in every group was assigned and the attendees were briefed about their work and contributing methods. Some do’s and don’ts were also added so that they are well prepared for the upcoming training events.

Finally food was distributed among all the participants. This time we brought muffins and other sweet dainties. Everyone enjoyed the refreshments very much.

& the event ended with a group photo and a huge Group Selfie! I prefer calling it the #GROUPIE!!!

#MOZGROUPIE ^_^

So that was all about our 3rd meet up. We are hopeful to get more manpower and tech enthusiast in the upcoming events. Thank you for reading this post. See you soon in my next blog post. Till then… Toodles!!

Be funky & keep Mozillating!!! ^_^

  OUR PHOTOS ARE AT: FLICKER

OUR EVENT ON: REPS PORTAL

 OUR HASHTAG FOR THE EVENT: #NSUFCMUV3

THE MAKER PARTY WITH #NSUFC

Last year, we had very limited number of Firefox Student Ambassador(FSA) in our North South University Firefox Community(NSUFC). But we successfully gathered some enthusiastic coders, localizers, bloggers and volunteers overtime. I am happy to write that we have organized several successful events so far & the maker party 2014 was one of them. From 15 July to 15 September 2014, countless Mozillians organized and enjoyed the maker parties across the globe. So why should we lag behind? It was our semester break; as we were done with our studies for that time, so we started planning for the maker party. We thought of organizing it on the very first day of our next semester which was on 15 September, the last day of the global maker party period. We had a prediction that since it was the first day of our fall semester, arranging a maker party would create a big buzz among the freshers in our campus. Besides, we would also become a part of the festive global maker party 2014.

So we started planning; for 3 weeks we planned and arranged necessary equipments and just 3 days before the event, our ex-club lead, our loving REMO, our friend Tanha Islam directed us about all the procedures one last time. Then through much official voting procedures, she came up with a selection of 2 new club leads. Tuhin was our newly elected club lead and Rashik was elected as our technical club lead. I personally congratulate them for their achievements.

Me with the new Club Leads 🙂

Then the great day arrived. We, the NSUFC team started setting up the table with swags and other stuffs like laptops, chairs and posters.

Swags all ready to be distributed among the attendees :3

I brought a handmade poster which I had created the night before and when I showed it, everyone was amazed and were doodled with the colorful poster!

My handmade Poster for Maker Party :’)

We chose our campus library as the venue. We succeeded to attract some freshers as well as some interested students who were very keen to learn about using webmaker tools.Tanha started the event by creating a make using Thimble. As an addition after that, Rashik started teaching Tanha app making. The app maker seemed a very interesting project to me and Tanha, so she learned it very quickly.

Tanha learning App making!!

Then I taught a newbie named Fariha about the webmaker. I told her about the webmaker project, when it all started and what the three tools are. She was much interested with the popcorn maker. So I started with the popcorn maker. I told her what magic we could do with this popcorn and I noticed that she loved this virtual popcorn more than the edible one!! She made a make with popcorn by adding some photos of one of our best hackjam of NSUFC. I helped her by adding some popup bubbles to the photos telling about what was happening in each of the photos.

I was teaching Fariha how to create POPCORN Projects!!

Then I taught another student who was in his third semester. He was a very good coder and a good learner too. So I had no trouble teaching him Thimble & he also came up with some innovative makes.

While I was teaching, Rashik taught Saiyudh, another attendee about Thimble and app maker. After that, he taught Taki, Aaron and Kimia app making. I must say, this maker party helped us get several students from the Engineering department and hopefully we would be happy if they loved whatever they learned from us.

Rashik & Saiyudh

Rashik with Aaron & Kimia

Then our fellow Mozillian and co-club lead Zarif taught Thimble to an incredible genius named Sujon. This boy was outstanding!!! He is a real asset for us!! He loved every part of the Webmaker specially the Thimble part.

Zarif mentoring Sujon

This is mandatorily to be noted and praised that Zarif is a great mentor and have been working really hard since last year to teach the newbies about the pros and cons of Mozilla. Undoubtedly, it was Zarif’s friendly supervision that made Sujon crazy about the Thimble operation so much that he immediately started making terrific memes using thimble. Each one of his makes were more awesome than the other, one after another. I was surprised to find him this much efficient!!! 😀

Sujon’s Makes!!

After spending an hour on these fresh FSAs, a sweet little girl showed up at the venue. Her name is Papree. She was also interested to learn about Thimble and Popcorn. So Tuhin, our newly elected club lead took the responsibility of explaining her everything. Tuhin also invited one of his friend named Pritom for this event. She was not getting any part of it in first place. But our club lead was kind and patient enough to help her with each step and explained her on a hand to hand basis.

Tuhin mentored Papree & Pritom

After this session, Rashik taught Papree and Pritom how to use x-ray Goggles. They found it kind of funny as it could edit and modify other sites. Thus they,together came up with another make after the training.

While every mentor and co-club lead was busy explaining and teaching the new FSAs, I, on the contrary was taking photos of ….including me. & as I say photos, I mean to say SELFIES!!!

YAY!! Selfie Time!!! 😀

Thus our last global maker party of this season ended with a lot of selfies and fun time together.

Thanks to Tanha Islam for being such a great leader of North South University Firefox Community. Without her, we wouldn’t have learned so much so far. It was a pleasure and an honor to have you as our Mentor-Leader-REMO.

Respect to our Ex-Club Lead Tanha Islam ❤

I would like to congratulate Tuhin and Rashik for their new post in the Community. Let’s create history together with some more innovative ideas and awesome events. Lastly, Thanks to Zarif & Raiyad Raad for their mentoring and volunteering which have made our event successful.

Raad with the Club Leads

Last but not the least, thanks to Mozilla for letting us learn and teach and for helping us create such a loving community.

See you peeps in my next post…till then… TOODLES!! 😀

Our Flicker Links: Photographs

Hashtag: #nsufcwm14

Our Event on Reps Portal: Maker Party 2014

Our Thimble Makes:

https://r-i-nahian.makes.org/thimble/MTk1MjMxNzY5Ng==/my-visiting-card

https://r-i-nahian.makes.org/thimble/LTk1MDE0MDY3Mg==/meme-of-abul-hayat

https://r-i-nahian.makes.org/thimble/MjEwMzM3ODE3Ng==/i-believe-in-an-open-web-because

https://jawadnsufsa.makes.org/thimble/MzQxNTA4MzUy/emma-stone

https://jawadnsufsa.makes.org/thimble/MTQwMTgxNzYw/klose-the-legend

https://zplust.makes.org/thimble/LTE5OTA1OTAyMDg=/nsufc-maker-party-3

https://zplust.makes.org/thimble/LTE3Mzg5MzE5Njg=/maker-party-hangover

https://tuhinrakib.makes.org/thimble/LTY0ODE1MDc4NA==/world-peace
https://tuhinrakib.makes.org/thimble/MjEzNjkzMjYwOA==/25th-make-by-nsufc

https://safurapritom.makes.org/thimble/LTc4MjM2ODUxMg==/meme-maker

https://raadu.makes.org/thimble/LTYxNDU5NjM1Mg==/meme-maker

https://raadu.makes.org/thimble/LTY2NDkyODAwMA==/i-believe-in-an-open-web-because

https://kbsnsu.makes.org/thimble/LTE4NzMxNDk2OTY=/nsufc-maker-party-5

https://kbsnsu.makes.org/thimble/LTE3NTU3MDkxODQ=/superman-maker-party-make

https://kbsnsu.makes.org/thimble/LTE4MjI4MTgwNDg=/horror-maker-party-make

https://kbsnsu.makes.org/thimble/LTE3ODkyNjM2MTY=/tom-jerry-maker-party-make

https://kbsnsu.makes.org/thimble/LTE5MjM0ODEzNDQ=/nsufc-maker-party-34

https://papreepapia46.makes.org/thimble/MjA1MzA0NjUyOA==/meme-maker

https://pinkdevil.makes.org/thimble/LTIxNDEyNTc0NzI=/a-little-about-our-universitynsu

Our X-ray Goggles Makes:

http://r-i-nahian.makes.org/goggles/rinahians-remix-of-home-north-south-university

Popcorn Makes:

https://kbsnsu.makes.org/popcorn/2adz

https://faria_newfsa.makes.org/popcorn/2abs

App Maker Makes:

https://habitual-houses-924.webmak.es/install

https://fast-seashore-580.webmak.es/app

A SMALL TRIBUTE TO RAHID HASAN :)

To be honest, I don’t know him personally; I mean not that much. He was one of my fellow Mozillians. I don’t even know his basic information so I had to contact some of his close colleagues and buddies to collect information. What’s my motive for this collection?

Yes, to write this post. By the time I write this post, he must be up there somewhere…..chatting with the angels maybe….maybe he is watching over his family….friends….loved ones…maybe he is watching me writing about him….he was an angel in disguise amongst us…left us….at such a tender age. His name is RAHID HASAN….

 

 Graduated on Computer Science & Engineering from Asian University and a dweller of Chittagong, Rahid had always been a bright and intelligent person. He was a kindhearted, fun loving and a confident Mozillian. He was a brilliant CODER!!! He loved his work and had a dream to spread the Coding among everyone around him. He loved being a Mozillian. How do I know? Well, i read his blog posts and went through some of his photos and I found some beautiful moments that he had spent with Mozilla Bangladesh Community.

In this photo, he quoted, ” YES!! WE ARE A ROCKING COMMUNITY!! I AM LUCKY TO BE WITH THEM”….

I can easily say by his smile and posture from this photograph that he really meant what he said!!! He felt lucky to be a part of Mozilla. Maybe he tried to emphasize that joining Mozilla as a contributor was the best decision of his life; being a Mozillian was the best thing that ever happened to him..

He was a fully enthusiastic soul and tried to learn from everything that he could find around him. He was the favorite of his fellow Mozillians. He was one the best Coders from Bangladesh that joined Mozilla. As an obvious result, he had the opportunity to join the MozSummit.He was quite a sportive person and made people smile everywhere he went.He was the middle man of every fun and even his fellow Mozillians were always seen smiling whenever they were around him…

I had an opportunity to meet this man at the Latest Firefox Launch Party at HUB DHAKA. & I would say that I have rarely met such a sarcastic and spiritual personality like him. He was a full package of entertainment.

& it’s not just me..whoever I asked to say something about Rahid Hasan, everybody came up saying good things about him; how he interacted, how he spoke about diversified topics, how much dynamic his interactive skills were, what he wanted to see among people, how he tried to spread goodness around him and among his friends, family and colleagues….this is all i could find…that showed how much good at heart he used to be…

Having said all these good things, I, with a heavy heart, have to confess that this funny genius is no more among us…not in persons maybe…but he is there in our memories, in our heart…stuck like a beautiful dream where we all had a chance to spend some good moments with this man..

It was really a big loss for us, both as his fellow Mozillian and his well wisher. But all we can say to him now is… “JEKHANEI THAKO, JEBHABEI THAKO….DEKHA HOBE OPARE…KONO EK SHOMOYE…”

Being his junior fellow Mozillian, I am writing this post as a token of respect for him; as a small tribute for this MOZ-MAESTRO… I pray and hope that Allah would bestow him with all the goodness and bless him with the entrance to heaven… May you shine like a #STAR in heaven just like you did when you were with us… WE WILL MISS YOU….ALWAYS & FOREVER… 😦

 

 

 

Have sex. Or don’t. Just don’t be a hypocrite.

Have sex. Or don't. Just don't be a hypocrite..